When referring to people who have experienced sexual assault, intimate partner violence, or domestic violence, it can be difficult to know what term to use. Different words have different connotations and implications, and all people have a different relationship with what they experienced. Two of the most common terms used are \u201cvictim\u201d and \u201csurvivor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even though, by definition, the term victim simply means, \u201ca person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action,\u201d1<\/sup> it carries certain connotations that people may not want to identify with.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Firstly, some people associate victimhood with helplessness. Take a look at synonyms for the word \u201cvictim\u201d and you will find words such as \u201csufferer,\u201d \u201ccasualty,\u201d \u201closer,\u201d \u201cprey,\u201d \u201ctarget,\u201d and \u201cfool.\u201d Sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence are crimes of power, and those who have been harmed by such acts may want to use a term that makes them feel that they are taking that power back, such as \u201csurvivor.\u201d Some believe that identifying as a \u201cvictim\u201d puts the focus on the actions of the perpetrator, while terms such as \u201csurvivor\u201d honor the difficulties the individual harmed has endured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Secondly, identifying as a \u201cvictim\u201d has been interpreted by many as a form of self-pity or a way to seek attention. Think of terminology like \u201cplaying the victim,\u201d \u201cvictim mentality,\u201d or \u201cvictimhood culture.\u201d Shaming those who label themselves as a \u201cvictim\u201d is another way that people victim-blame. People who have had these experiences are valid for feeling sorry for themselves because of what happened, and if they want it, these events do deserve attention because what happened is significant. Feeling sorry for oneself has negative connotations, when in reality, it is actually an important part of the healing process for them to fully acknowledge the devastation they feel after trauma. Unfortunately, as a result of these societal beliefs about victimhood, we have seen a wave of people who have experienced sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence stray away from identifying as a \u201cvictim.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Identifying as a \u201cvictim\u201d does not mean one is wallowing in self-pity to the point where their healing process is obstructed. Some people don\u2019t like the term \u201csurvivor\u201d because they view it as a form of toxic positivity, a \u201cpull yourself up by the bootstraps\u201d mentality. Some messaging in recent years has suggested that identifying as a \u201cvictim\u201d impedes the healing process due to the word\u2019s association with powerlessness, and identifying as a \u201csurvivor\u201d is more empowering.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Encouraging those who have experienced sexual violence to use an empowering label in relation to sexual violence can play into the notion that those who have experienced sexual assault, domestic violence, and intimate partner violence need to experience post-traumatic growth. Some may feel pressure to become better and stronger than they were before because of what they endured. Not only is this a lot to expect from someone, but healing doesn\u2019t always mean they are \u201cbetter off\u201d than before. For some, \u201csurvivor\u201d can imply the notion that \u201ceverything happens for a reason,\u201d which is a very upsetting concept for many, because in reality, no one should go through these things or needs to have these experiences in order to become who they are \u201cmeant to be.\u201d It is not bad to feel sorry for oneself after enduring violence or abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some do feel more empowered by the term \u201cvictim.\u201d Many people who have experienced these crimes aren\u2019t allowed to go through the process of acknowledging and grieving that they were victimized, due to the way people around them respond. It is not uncommon for others in the person\u2019s life to tell them to move on, or to deny that they were victimized at all, having their experience completely invalidated by those who don\u2019t believe them. For some people, identifying as a \u201cvictim\u201d allows them to acknowledge the victimhood that so many people have not let them claim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are also many reasons why someone may identify as a \u201csurvivor\u201d rather than a \u201cvictim.\u201d The term \u201csurvivor\u201d has overall positive connotations. Take a look at synonyms for the word \u201csurvivor\u201d and you will find terms such as \u201cvictor,\u201d \u201cconqueror,\u201d \u201covercomer,\u201d \u201cfighter,\u201d \u201ctough-cookie,\u201d and \u201cvanquisher.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n For some, they do feel held back by the term \u201cvictim\u201d and want to acknowledge the power and strength it took for them to get through that experience. Sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence can be life-threatening. Even if their life wasn\u2019t in danger, they may have felt as though their life was over due to what happened. They may want to label themselves as a \u201csurvivor\u201d as to say, \u201clook, I survived that<\/em>\u201d as a testament to their resilience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For a long time, sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence were portrayed as traumatic events that destroy a person, that they will never be the same and will always be overcome with the negative effects the violence had on their lives. This messaging is still seen today, and it is a very demeaning and harmful way to portray anyone who has experienced a traumatic event. Some want to identify as a \u201csurvivor\u201d to acknowledge that sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence do not define one\u2019s life and it is possible to lead a fulfilling life after these experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As mentioned above, some may not prefer the term \u201csurvivor\u201d because it can feel toxically positive and invalidating to their victimhood. Additionally, there are other reasons why some may not like the term \u201csurvivor.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n The term \u201csurvivor\u201d isn\u2019t necessarily about empowerment, resilience, or thriving after a trauma for everyone who identifies with it, but rather an acknowledgement that they are still here. A mentality of, \u201cI\u2019m not doing great, but I survived the fire and I\u2019m chugging along.\u201d This perspective of the term \u201csurvivor\u201d is also why some choose to identify as \u201cthrivers\u201d or \u201cwarriors,\u201d because they feel limited by the notion that they simply just survived what happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The word \u201csurvivor\u201d implies that the abuse or violence is in the past. However, when we are talking about sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence as a whole, it\u2019s important to acknowledge those who are still experiencing abuse and include them in conversations and resources. Due to the associations the term has with strength and empowerment, those who are still experiencing violence may not identify with the term \u201csurvivor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is devastating, but true, that some people do not survive sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence. When we are talking about sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence as societal issues, it\u2019s important to acknowledge those who lost their lives due to violence and abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The labels one uses for themselves may also be related to where they are in their healing process. Someone may identify as a \u201cvictim\u201d at first, but after some time of healing they may feel like a \u201csurvivor.\u201d Some may flip back and forth, or identify as both, which is where the term \u201cvictim-survivor\u201d comes into play. The term \u201cvictim-survivor\u201d has become more common in recent years and holds space for the complexities of experiencing sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some people don\u2019t want to use any label, and that\u2019s okay too. Labels hold more weight for some people than others, and some may not want to connect the experience of sexual, domestic, or intimate partner violence to their identity. Those who have yet to label their experiences of sexual, domestic, or intimate partner violence as such will also not identify with labels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At the end of the day, whatever label anyone uses to describe themselves in relation to their experience with sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and\/or domestic violence is okay. There is no right or wrong way, and one term doesn\u2019t make someone better or stronger than those who use a different term. Whether they\u2019re a \u201cvictim,\u201d \u201csurvivor,\u201d \u201cvictim-survivor,\u201d \u201cthriver,\u201d \u201cwarrior,\u201d or anything else, they deserve to heal and receive support along the way. It’s always best to ask someone what label they prefer, if any at all. When referring to those who have experienced sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and\/or domestic violence as a collective, survivor or victim-survivor tend to be the preferred terms.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAssumed Helplessness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Negative Perceptions of Victimhood<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Why Might Some People Prefer \u201cVictim?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Avoids Toxic Positivity<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Validates Victimization<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Why Might Some People Prefer \u201cSurvivor?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Acknowledges Strength<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Forward Movement<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Why Might Some People Dislike \u201cSurvivor?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Not Empowering Enough<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Excludes Those Who Are Still Being Abused<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Excludes Those Who Did Not Survive<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Labels are a Personal Decision<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Sources<\/h5>\n\n\n\n