Radical Acceptance is a stress tolerance skill taught in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in which people fully accept things as they are, instead of ignoring, avoiding, or wishing the situation were different. It is intended to keep pain from turning into prolonged suffering. Despite its power in healing, it can be a very difficult concept for survivors of abuse. Why? How can survivors overcome those barriers and begin to make sense of what happened to them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some survivors may have a difficult time fully accepting what happened to them because the reality of their situation is too much to bear and process. Avoiding accepting their reality may be easier, and it may be what is currently keeping them safe. However, when people live in denial of their truth for extended periods of time, the negatives often outweigh the positives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wishing that what they went through didn\u2019t happen, playing the moment over and over again, and living with questions such as \u201cwhy did this happen to me?\u201d and \u201cwhat could I have done differently?\u201d are normal responses after trauma. Bartering is part of the grief process. However, getting stuck in that place can make it difficult to continue moving forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More than any other crime, survivors of abuse are often told to \u201cget over it,\u201d \u201cmove on,\u201d or \u201clet it go.\u201d The word \u201cacceptance\u201d can have similar implications and often sounds the same to survivors as being told to \u201cmove on.\u201d In reality, radical acceptance isn\u2019t about moving on or letting go. It is saying, \u201cthis is my reality, what am I going to do with this?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The word \u201cacceptance\u201d has multiple definitions. One of the definitions for the word acceptance from the Oxford Dictionary is, \u201cthe action or process of being received as adequate or suitable.\u201d For this reason, many survivors hear about the concept of radical acceptance and believe that accepting their trauma means they approve of it. Radical acceptance does not mean approving of what happened or saying that it is okay. <\/em>The more applicable definition of acceptance in this context also comes from the Oxford dictionary, which is,\u201cwillingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many survivors find themselves stuck, unable to fit their trauma into their story in a way that makes sense to them, because they never received validation from anyone else, or they had a very negative experience disclosing to someone they trusted. They may feel that if they don\u2019t care about what happened to them then no one will. Radical acceptance isn\u2019t about saying \u201cWell, it is what it is, so why try?\u201d It\u2019s saying, \u201cThis reality is<\/em>, so where do I go from here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nLack of validation<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
The struggle survivors have with radical acceptance is due to a misunderstanding that people have to approve of something in order to accept it. Those are not synonymous. It isn\u2019t about moving on and leaving what happened in the past, radical acceptance can <\/em>look like disapproving of what happened, but accepting that it did <\/em>happen and assuming responsibility for moving forward with<\/em> that event. It\u2019s about recognizing that what happened was<\/em> bad, and they deserve to be free from the pain that ruminating causes.<\/p>\n\n\n