Abuse is not confined to romantic relationships. It can occur in families, friendships, workplaces, and other interpersonal dynamics. Regardless of the setting, abuse often follows a repetitive and predictable pattern known as the cycle of abuse. Recognizing this cycle is a critical step in identifying unhealthy dynamics and breaking the cycle. 

Understanding The Cycle of Abuse 

Phase 1: Tension building ^1-5

In this stage, stress, anxiety, or dissatisfaction is building. The abuser may become increasingly irritable, critical, or controlling. The target of the abuse often feels like they are “walking on eggshells,” trying to prevent an outburst. They may internalize their inability to control the abuser, feeling shame and blame.

These are signs of tension building across relationship types, for each type of relationship these are examples of common signs. However, these signs are not exclusive to the respective relationship type. 

Signs across relationship types:

• Romantic: Jealousy, silent treatment, emotional withdrawal, isolation from other relationships.
• Familial: Harsh criticisms, manipulation, mood swings.
• Friendship: Passive-aggressive behavior, guilt-tripping, being intentionally uninvited.
• Workplace: Micromanagement, unreasonable expectations, veiled threats.

Phase 2: Incident ^1-5

When the abuse occurs. The form of abuse may be physical, emotional, verbal, psychological, financial, or even digital. The tension is released through some form of harm or control. These are common examples of incidents within relationships. However, these incidents are not exclusive to the respective relationship type. 

Signs across relationship types:

• Romantic: Physical violence, sexual coercion, verbal degradation.
• Familial: Yelling, threats, emotional blackmail, physical violence.
• Friendship: Public humiliation, betrayal, intimidation.
• Workplace: Harassment, verbal abuse, sexual coercion.

Phase 3: Reconciliation ^1-5

After the abuse, the abuser may apologize, show remorse, or make promises to change. They may act loving, generous, or excessively attentive. This phase creates confusion and often gives the victim hope that things will improve. These are examples of types of reconciliation, however, these acts are not exclusive to one particular type of relationship. 

Signs across relationship types: 

• Romantic: Gift giving, apologizing, affectionate, promises of getting help or going to therapy.
• Familial: Denial, rationalization, conditional love.
• Friendship: Excuses, deflection of blame.
• Workplace: Praise and favor.

Phase 4: Calm/Latency Phase ^1-5

During this stage, the relationship may seem stable and can be enjoyable. Both parties may deny or minimize past abuse. However, the underlying power imbalance remains unaddressed, and the cycle often begins again overtime. This can be a longer or shorter period of calm that can vary. 

Why does the cycle persist? ⁶ 

There are many reasons why an individual may choose to stay in an abusive relationship, which includes:

• Trauma bonding: Emotional attachment formed through repeated abuse and reconciliation.
• Love/remembering love: Hope for future changes and remembering the love that they once had. Feeling like you would be abandoning someone who needs you in a difficult time. 
• Fear and intimidation: Threats to safety, financial security, reputation, custody over children and pets, loss of stable housing.  
• Isolation: Abusers often cut off support systems, making it harder to seek help and feel accepting of help. 
• Low self-esteem: Repeated abuse can damage self-worth and reinforce dependence.
• Hope for change: The calm phase aids in the belief that the abuser can or will change.

Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, sex, age, race, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status. It can exist in any type of relationship. By broadening our understanding of how the cycle of abuse operates across various contexts, we can empower individuals to recognize the signs and take steps toward safety and healing.^1-6 

Here are some examples from individuals who broke the cycle of abuse in various relationship types. 

• Jennette McCurdy on familial abuse  

• Debbie Ryan on intimate partner abuse

• Rihanna on physical abuse

• Eggshells: a short film on domestic violence  

If you or someone you know is caught in this cycle, know that support is available and it is possible to break the cycle.

Sources

1. Walker, L. E. (2015). Looking back and looking forward: Psychological and legal interventions for domestic violence. Ethics, Medicine and Public Health, 1(1), 19-32. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jemep.2015.02.002 
2. How to Support Someone Who is Experiencing Domestic Violence | RAINN. (2019). Rainn.org. https://rainn.org/news/how-support-someone-who-experiencing-domestic-violence?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwna6_BhCbARIsALId2Z3g-Dx6_0mkMYxoEjS28nBCyC5sfvjRF6r6I8fTAIqp3G142sGXAkQaAiuDEALw_wcB
3. Holding Space: Three Ways to Support Domestic Violence Survivors. (2024, September 13). The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/three-ways-to-support-domestic-violence-survivors/ 
4. What If Someone You Know Is Experiencing Abuse. (n.d.). Jeanne Geiger Crisis Center. https://jeannegeigercrisiscenter.org/get-help/get-help-for-someone-else/
5. Women’s aid. (2024). I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy. Women’s Aid. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/
6. Benedini, K.M., Fagan, A.A. A Life-Course Developmental Analysis of the Cycle of Violence. J Dev Life Course Criminology 4, 1–23 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40865-017-0073-6

Support Is Available

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

988 Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the United States. We’re committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness.

Phone: 1.888.373.7888

Chat: click here to start a chat

Text: Send any message to 988

Website

Domestic Violence Hotline

We are here to serve all those impacted by relationship abuse 24/7 confidentially. Due to high demand, you may experience longer wait times to connect with a live advocate.

Phone: 800-799-7233

Text: “START” to 88788

Online chat: Click here to start chat

Website

The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline

The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse and has given assistance to more than 2 million help seekers. Serving the U.S. and Canada, the hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with professional crisis counselors who—through interpreters—provide assistance in over 170 languages. The hotline offers crisis intervention, information, and referrals to thousands of emergency, social service, and support resources. All contacts are confidential.

Phone: 800.422.4453

Text: Text “HELP” to 800.422.4453

Chat: Click here to chat

Website

The post The Cycle of Abuse appeared first on Survivors.org.

Approach for supporting and helping someone in an abusive relationship:

1. Recognize signs of abuse: Understanding signs of abuse can come in many forms and it is important to recognize that these signs are not a checklist or the only signs that can mark an abusive relationship. Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, or even digital. Some warning signs can include but are not limited to:  

• They are worried about making their partner angry
• They make excuses for their partner’s behavior
• Their partner is possessive and/or jealous 
• They have unexplained marks/injuries 
• They isolate themselves from family and friends
• Their partner puts them down in front of other people 

2. Create a safe space for conversation: When you feel comfortable to have a conversation, do this in a private, safe setting where the individual feels comfortable. Let them guide the conversation. Your goal is not to fix the situation, but to be present and supportive.

3. Listen without judgement: Avoid interrupting, offering advice, or expressing disbelief or dramatic reaction. Survivors often minimize their own experiences, your role is to create a supportive and safe space for a survivor to open up. By listening without judgement survivors can feel understood and less alone. Some ways to be attentive without judgement include: 

• Reflect on what you hear to show you’re engaged: “That sounds incredibly difficult.”
• Ask open-ended questions like: “How have you been feeling about everything?
• Validate their experiences and emotions: “You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”

4. Offer support and resources: Even if you do not have the capacity to fully support a survivor or feel that you need to do more, remember that small gestures like offering to babysit, giving them a ride, or helping find a local resource can have a big impact. Helping doesn’t always mean taking big action. Sometimes, being a safe and reliable friend is enough.

5. Help create a safety plan: Even if they are not ready to leave, you can help by developing a safety plan. This can include:

• Identifying a safe place to go in an emergency.
• Keeping important documents or essentials packed and hidden.
• Knowing which local services or hotlines to contact.

6. Respect their decision: Do not be judgmental or critical of their decision or try to make them feel guilty for their choices. Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy. Survivors often face emotional manipulation, financial dependence, threats, and fear of escalation. It is important to:

• Not place pressure on them to leave before they are ready. 
• Not criticize them for staying or returning. 
• Support their autonomy and remind them that the decision is theirs to make. 

7. Encourage professional help and self care: Support them in accessing professionals who can offer legal, emotional, or medical help. Encourage them to speak with a counselor or a domestic violence advocate. Remind them to prioritize their own well-being and safety while also prioritizing your personal safety and well-being. 

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

Understanding this pattern can help explain why someone might stay in the relationship and why leaving is not always straightforward especially when children are involved or they have fears of retaliation. It is also important to understand that someone can have loving feelings for their abuser and it is very difficult to separate those feelings of love from their partner’s actions. 

1. Tension building – arguments and emotional stress escalate.
2. Incident – the abusive episode occurs.
3. Reconciliation – the abuser may apologize, blame stress, or promise change.
4. Calm – a period of peace that often creates false hope.
   

The Role of Law Enforcement

While involving law enforcement might seem like the obvious step, it can sometimes escalate the situation, especially when officers are dismissive or lack proper training. In some cases, even if the survivor does not want to press charges, the state may pursue legal action, which takes control away from the survivor. It is further important to keep in mind that different communities have different opinions and experiences regarding law enforcement. It’s essential to prioritize the survivor’s sense of autonomy and only involve authorities when the person is in imminent danger or consents to do so.

Understanding the different forms of abuse that can occur in a relationship: Abuse is not always physical. Being aware of the many ways abuse can manifest will help you respond with greater empathy and awareness:

• Emotional/Psychological Abuse: Gaslighting, threats, isolation.
• Verbal Abuse: Insults, verbal assaults, raising voice.
• Coercive Control: Micromanaging behavior, restricting movement or access to resources.
• Financial Abuse: Controlling money, sabotaging employment.
• Sexual Abuse: Coercion, manipulation, or forced sexual contact.
• Digital Abuse: Monitoring phone or internet use, online harassment, blackmailing or threatening to release intimate images, videos, or private conversations. 
• Honour-Based Abuse & Forced Marriage: Violence or coercion used to protect family ‘honor’.
• Abuse Related to Disability: Withholding care, using someone’s disability to manipulate and control them.

Remember: Your Wellbeing Matters Too

It is important to mirror the survivors’ language and not to label their experiences when they may not have the words to do so themselves. Pay attention to their language and gently introduce new terms without defining their experiences. Here are some examples of how to respond and create a space to provoke critical thinking that can help understand abuse and change thought processes. 

• “I understand that controlling what you wear is normal in your relationship but is that something that has been normal in the past? Or what would you say to me if I told you the person I was with was controlling what I wore?” 
• “What if I told you that my partner did not give me access to my income? If that happened to me I would be very upset, do you understand why that would make me upset?” 
• “I totally understand that your partner would be upset about talking about this, but do you think it is appropriate for them to hurt you physically because you upset them?”
• “I am not judging you, I understand this is a person you love or care about but is how you are treated how you would treat others?”
• “There is nothing you can do that warrants or justifies physical violence.”

Supporting someone in an abusive relationship can be emotionally taxing. It’s important to acknowledge that you are not responsible for what happens inside the relationship. You may hear things that can be shocking and disturbing which can impact your emotions. Although, to a survivor this may be normal to them.  Take cues from the survivor, as they may not be ready to completely open up. The most important thing is to identify yourself as a safe space. 

Your presence and support can make a life-changing difference. Every small act of compassion such as listening to them vent, providing validation, and offering small gestures to make the process easier builds trust and can empower survivors to take action. Additionally, be mindful to take care of yourself during this time. Hearing that someone you love is experiencing abuse can be taxing and very emotional, it is important to take care of yourself and your own emotional wellbeing so that you can show up. Providing support means being informed, patient, and compassionate. You may not be able to change the situation, but your support can plant the seeds of change and hope for a better future.

Sources

1. How to Support Someone Who is Experiencing Domestic Violence | RAINN. (2019). Rainn.org. https://rainn.org/news/how-support-someone-who-experiencing-domestic-violence?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwna6_BhCbARIsALId2Z3g-Dx6_0mkMYxoEjS28nBCyC5sfvjRF6r6I8fTAIqp3G142sGXAkQaAiuDEALw_wcB
2. Holding Space: Three Ways to Support Domestic Violence Survivors. (2024, September 13). The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/three-ways-to-support-domestic-violence-survivors/
3. What If Someone You Know Is Experiencing Abuse. (n.d.). Jeanne Geiger Crisis Center. https://jeannegeigercrisiscenter.org/get-help/get-help-for-someone-else/
4. Women’s aid. (2024). I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy. Women’s Aid. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/

Support Is Available

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

988 Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the United States. We’re committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness.

Phone: 1.888.373.7888

Chat: click here to start a chat

Text: Send any message to 988

Website

Domestic Violence Hotline

We are here to serve all those impacted by relationship abuse 24/7 confidentially. Due to high demand, you may experience longer wait times to connect with a live advocate.

Phone: 800-799-7233

Text: “START” to 88788

Online chat: Click here to start chat

Website

The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline

The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse and has given assistance to more than 2 million help seekers. Serving the U.S. and Canada, the hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with professional crisis counselors who—through interpreters—provide assistance in over 170 languages. The hotline offers crisis intervention, information, and referrals to thousands of emergency, social service, and support resources. All contacts are confidential.

Phone: 800.422.4453

Text: Text “HELP” to 800.422.4453

Chat: Click here to chat

Website

The post What Do I Do When Someone I Know is in an Abusive Relationship? appeared first on Survivors.org.

Emotional abuse often overlaps with other forms of abuse, particularly verbal abuse, and is often present in relationships with any kind of abuse. Research suggests that 60% of women and 25% of men who experienced intimate-partner violence report emotional abuse.¹ Recent data also showed that 55% of teenagers reported experiencing some kind of emotional abuse from a parent or another adult in the home.² Due to the nature of emotional abuse, it can often be difficult for victim-survivors to determine whether or not they are being abused. They may believe that they are overly-sensitive or that their perception is skewed, and may dismiss the idea that they are being abused. As a result, it is likely that the prevalence of emotional abuse is underreported.

There are many ways someone can emotionally abuse someone else. The examples given here are not a complete list and are intended to give an idea of the different ways emotional abuse can present itself in a relationship. Perpetrators may also do a number of other things not listed here to emotionally harm someone else. If a scenario involving emotional harm is not listed here, it does not mean it is invalid as a form of abuse.

Manipulation

Manipulation is when someone uses unfair or dishonest tactics to control someone else in order to get what they want. Many other emotional abuse tactics are also forms of manipulation.

Perpetrators may make victim-survivors feel like they are the issue in the relationship or that they “owe” them in some way. 

Manipulation can look like:

• Intentionally using advanced terminology to get someone to agree to something they otherwise wouldn’t out of confusion
• Exaggerating an illness in order to get someone to do things or take on more than they should
• Weaponizing personal tragedies, mental health issues, and mental health terminology
• Withholding affection to receive something in return
• Blaming for something they are not responsible for
• “If you really loved me, you would/wouldn’t ____”
• Using fears against them
• Love-bombing
• Deflecting
• Gaslighting

Invalidation

To invalidate someone is to make them feel like their perception of a situation is inaccurate and/or their emotional response to a situation is irrational. Invalidation can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, self-blame, and can lead victim-survivors to question their perception of reality. When someone becomes uncertain whether or not their interpretation of reality is accurate, it becomes harder to recognize and accept that certain behaviors are abusive. They may begin to see the perpetrator as rational and themselves as irrational. Invalidation chips away at someone’s self-esteem, making it easier for the perpetrator to exert control. 

Invalidation can look like:

• Being dismissive due to age, gender, family position, perceived intellect, or another life role
• Labeling the individual or their thoughts as “illogical,” “irrational,” or “nonsensical”
• Trying to apply logic to or dispute emotional responses
• Criticising or questioning emotional responses
• Arguing or opposing thoughts and opinions
• Downplaying a situation
• Disregarding opinions
• Trivializing concerns
• Gaslighting

Superiority

Perpetrators of emotional abuse may try to exert control by making the victim-survivor feel as though they are inferior. This tactic lowers a victim-survivor’s self esteem by convincing them that the perpetrator is more intelligent, deserving, and capable than they are. As a result, they begin to distrust their own capabilities, making it easier for the perpetrator to exert control. 

Superiority can look like:

• Making comparisons where the victim-survivor is “less than” them and others
• Belittling accomplishments and interests
• Talking down or patronizing
• Criticizing choices and actions
• Dismissing needs
• Giving orders
• Sarcasm
• Nitpicking

Emotional Neglect

Emotional neglect is when someone fails to provide, or deliberately withholds, emotional support. This tactic can lead victim-survivors to suppress or internalize emotions. They may feel alone, isolated, and unimportant. Emotional neglect sends the message that the victim-survivor’s emotions are unimportant. It can leave those who are experiencing unrelated mental health issues or life struggles without support. The internalization of emotional neglect in one relationship can make it difficult to seek support outside of the relationship, putting victim-survivors in a vulnerable position.

Emotional neglect can look like:

• Responding to emotions with anger, frustration, or disinterest
• Love and support are conditional on pleasing the perpetrator
• Rarely expressing love and affection, verbally or physically
• Questioning the validity of emotions
• Withholding affection
• Failing to consider
• Ignoring emotions

Insults

Insults are when someone makes a negative remark with the intention of offending someone or upsetting them. These remarks may target things such as someone’s personality, actions, body, passions, skills, or/and beliefs. Often personal weaknesses or emotional vulnerabilities are used against the victim-survivor. Insults are a way to degrade a victim-survivor to believe that they are who the perpetrator says they are. The perpetrator may also intend to make the survivor change parts of who they are in order to stop the insults. Ultimately, the goal of the perpetrator is to position themselves above the victim-survivor in order to control them.

Insults may be stated in a joking manner or tone, but this is often done to avoid accountability for their abuse by stating that it was, “just a joke.” While playful teasing is a dynamic that exists in many relationships, the difference lies in what the insults are, how frequently they occur, and how individuals respond when someone tells them that the teasing actually hurt their feelings.

Insults can look like:

• Negging
• Name-calling
• Negative labels
• Sarcastic compliments
• Sweeping generalizations
• Drawing attention to errors
• Criticism, judgement, and nitpicking
• Judgements disguised as jokes or questions

Intimidation

Another way perpetrators emotionally abuse victim-survivors is by intimidating them. Intimidation can be either direct or indirect. Sometimes, perpetrators directly threaten negative outcomes, or they may imply or insinuate them. Perpetrators use intimidation to control what a survivor does by making them fearful to do anything that may displease them

Intimidation can look like:

• Setting unrealistic expectations
• Monitoring, tracking, or following
• Insinuating or threatening a break-up
• Insinuating or threatening physical harm
• Insinuating or threatening self-harm or suicide
• Treatment is conditional depending on the abuser’s mood and demands

Distrust

Exaggerated and misplaced distrust can also be a form of emotional abuse. When a perpetrator consistently doesn’t trust or believe the victim-survivor, they manipulate the victim-survivor into acting in ways to prove their honesty. Or, the victim-survivor may alter their behaviors and decisions due to the lack of trust.

Distrust can look like:

• Extreme jealousy
• Accusations of cheating
• Making negative assumptions
• Accusations of lying or manipulation
• Monitoring phone and internet activity
• Recording audio or video without consent
• Not believing victim-survivor’s account of a situation

Chaos

Emotional abuse can also look like creating chaotic, highly emotional situations to put the other person into a vulnerable emotional state. They may incite drama between themselves and the victim-survivor, or involve another person in the conflict. By creating chaos, the perpetrator has control over the situation and can use that chaos to control others.

Creating chaos can look like:

• Picking fights
• The Cycle of Abuse
• Emotional instability
• Provoking emotional distress
• Erratic and reckless behavior
• Involving others in personal conflicts
• Dramatic outward displays of emotions
• Overwhelming someone until they give in
• Blowing minor inconveniences out of proportion

There is a common sentiment that no one can make someone else feel something. While there is a level of truth to this statement, it is often used to shift the blame of harmful or abusive behavior onto the victim-survivor. It is never their fault for having emotional reactions to emotional abuse. Far too often, people dismiss emotional abuse by putting more responsibility on the victim-survivor to resist a normal emotional response to abuse than on the perpetrator for emotionally abusing them in the first place.

Victim-survivors are never to blame for any kind of abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing verbal abuse, you are valid and you deserve support.

Sources

1. Leemis R.W., Friar N., Khatiwada S., Chen M.S., Kresnow M., Smith S.G., Caslin, S., & Basile, K.C. (2022). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2016/2017 Report on Intimate Partner Violence. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
2. New CDC data illuminate youth mental health threats during the COVID-19 pandemic. (2022). Cdc.gov. https://archive.cdc.gov/#/details?url=https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2022/p0331-youth-mental-health-covid-19.html

The post Emotional Abuse appeared first on Survivors.org.

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Understanding browser history, cache, and cookies

Data about what you do on the internet is stored in your browser history, cache, and cookies.

Browser History: a log of the web pages you’ve visited

Cache: temporary files containing web pages and their assets that are locally stored on your device to increase the loading speed of frequently visited pages 

Cookies: small data files of information saved on your device that help websites remember information about your web activity

Quickly clearing browser history, cache, and cookies

To quickly clear browser history on a desktop:

Chrome, Firefox, Microsoft Edge: Ctrl+Shift+Delete (Windows) or Command+Shift+Delete (Mac)

Safari: Choose History > Clear History and Website Data”

Clearing browser history, cache, and cookies on a desktop

Google Chrome

1. Open Chrome.
2. Click the three dots at the top right, then select Delete browsing data.
3. Choose a time range, like Last hour or All time.
4. Select the types of information you want to remove.
5. Click Delete Data

Firefox

1. Click the menu button (three lines) to open the menu panel.
2. Click History and select Clear Recent History
3. Select how much history you want to clear:
   1. Click the drop-down menu next to When: to choose how much of your history Firefox will clear.
4. Use the checkboxes to select what information you want to clear from your history. 
5. Click the Clear button and the window will close 

Remove a single website

1. Click the menu button (three lines) to open the menu panel.
2. Click History and select Manage History
3. Search for the website you want to remove from your history by typing its name in the Search History field and then pressing the enter (return) key on your keyboard
4. Then, in the search results, hold down the Ctrl key while you click on the site you want to remove, and select Forget About This Site.

Microsoft Edge

1. Decide if you want to delete the data only on the device you’re currently using, or across all synced devices.
   1. To clear browsing data just on the device you’re currently using: sync should be turned off. 
   2. To clear browsing data on all synced devices: sync should be turned on and you should be logged in
2. Select Settings and more, select Settings, select Privacy, search, and services .
3. Under Delete browsing data select Clear browsing data now, select Choose what to clear.
4. Under Time range, choose a time range from the drop-down menu.
5. Choose the types of browsing data you want to clear
6. Select Clear now

Safari

Clearing Browsing History 

1. Go to the Safari app on your Mac.
2. Choose History and select Clear History, then click the pop-up menu.
3. Choose how far back you want your browsing history cleared.

Clearing Cookies and Cache

1. Go to the Safari app on your Mac.
2. Choose Safari and select Settings, then click Privacy.
3. Click Manage Website Data.
4. Select one or more websites, then click Remove or Remove All.

Clearing browser history, cache, and cookies on an iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch

Google Chrome

1. Open Chrome 
2. Select More (three dots), select Delete Browsing Data.
3. A popup window will appear where you can set a duration and select the browsing data you want to delete.
   1. Next to Time Range, select a duration. The default time range duration is 15 minutes.
   2. To select specific data you want to delete:
      1. Select Browsing Data.
      2. Select the types of browsing data you want to delete.
      3. Select Confirm.
4. Select Delete Browsing Data.

Firefox

1. Open Firefox
2. Select the Menu button (three lines)
3. Select History, then select the Trash button
4. Select the time frame 

Microsoft Edge

1. Select the Menu (three dots), select Settings
2. Select Privacy select Clear browsing data.

Safari

1. Go to Settings, select Apps, select Safari.
2. Tap Clear History and Website Data.

To remove a single website

1. Open the Safari app.
2. Select the Show Bookmarks button, select the History button
3. Select the Edit button, then select the website or websites that you want to delete from your history.
4. Select the Delete button.

Clearing browser history, cache, and cookies on an Android device

Google Chrome

1. Open Chrome 
2. Select More (three dots), select Delete Browsing Data.
3. Set a duration and select the browsing data you want to delete.
4. Next to Time Range, select a duration. The default time range duration is 15 minutes.
   1. To select specific data you want to delete:
      1. Select More Options.
      2. Select the types of browsing data you want to delete.
      3. Select Delete Data.
5. Select Delete Browsing Data.

Firefox

5. Open Firefox
6. Select the Menu (lines), select Settings
7. Select Clear browsing data
8. Select what type of data to clear
9. Select the Clear data button

Microsoft Edge

1. Select the Menu (three dots), select Settings
2. Select Privacy select Clear browsing data
3. Select the types of browsing data you’d like to delete
4. Select Clear

The post Clearing Browsing History appeared first on Survivors.org.

Verbal abuse doesn’t need to involve yelling or speaking in an aggressive tone, though it can. Verbal abuse can be said in a neutral, or even jovial tone. It also doesn’t only include spoken words, for example, verbal abuse can happen online or by using ASL.

Verbal abuse is incredibly harmful and can greatly impact someone’s sense of self worth. 41% of children experience some level of verbal abuse from parental figures.¹ 29% of women and 20% of men report that they have been subjected to expressive aggression by an intimate partner.²

Insults

Insults are when someone makes a negative remark with the intention of offending someone or upsetting them. These remarks may target things such as someone’s personality, actions, body, passions, skills, or/and beliefs. Often personal weaknesses or emotional vulnerabilities are used against the victim-survivor. Insults are a way to degrade a victim-survivor to believe that they are who the perpetrator says they are. The perpetrator may also intend to make the survivor change parts of who they are in order to stop the insults. Ultimately, the goal of the perpetrator is to position themselves above the victim-survivor in order to control them.

Insults may be stated in a joking manner or tone, but this is often done to avoid accountability for their abuse by stating that it was, “just a joke.” While playful teasing is a dynamic that exists in many relationships, the difference lies in what the insults are, how frequently they occur, and how individuals respond when someone tells them that the teasing actually hurt their feelings.

Name-calling

Name-calling is a type of insult in which someone calls someone else offensive names or assigns them negative labels. It is intended to make the victim-survivor question who they are and begin to identify with these negative labels. Overtime, these names chip away at the victim-survivor’s self esteem and can skew their perception of who they are and how they present themselves to the world.

Criticism & Judgement

Criticisms and judgements are the evaluations of someone or something else. Sometimes, criticisms can highlight areas for improvement with kindness and insight into solutions, which are known as constructive criticisms. However, when it comes to verbal abuse, the evaluations are negative and are intended to degrade someone. Criticisms and judgements can also take the form of questions, such as “Why are you so slow?” or “Did you think that looks good?” In an abusive relationship, criticisms and judgements are constant and make the victim-survivor feel as though nothing they do is ever good enough.

Some examples of insults include:

• making negative comments about the way someone executed something
• negatively comparing someone to someone else
• calling someone’s beliefs, values, or morals stupid
• mocking the way someone is dressed
• negative judgements disguised as compliments
• passive-aggressive comments
• implying that someone is unattractive
• calling someone overemotional or hypersensitive
• telling someone they are bad at something they care about
• labeling someone as worthless
• using a slur or offensive term
• assigning someone negative traits
• nitpicking how something was done

Manipulation

Manipulation is when someone uses unfair or dishonest tactics to control someone else in order to get what they want. When someone is being manipulated, they often feel like they are the issue in the relationship. Manipulative tactics can also pressure someone into doing something the perpetrator wants that they likely wouldn’t have done otherwise.

Manipulation can look like:

• blaming someone for something they are not responsible for
• using someone’s fears against them
• “If you really loved me, you would/wouldn’t ____”
• love bombing
• withholding affection to receive something in return
• intentionally using advanced terminology to get someone to agree to something they otherwise wouldn’t out of confusion
• exaggerating an illness in order to get someone to do things or take on more than they should

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a term that has gained popularity in recent years, yet it is often misused or conflated with manipulation as a whole. It is a form of manipulation in which someone tries to cause someone else to question their sanity and experience of reality. Someone who is gaslighting denies someone else’s perceptions, reactions, and/or memories as a way to control them.

Gaslighting can look like:

• blatantly lying
• denying something happened when it did, even if there is proof
• insisting something happened when it didn’t
• misrepresenting how something happened
• twisting the meaning and/or intention of someone else’s words
• invalidating or questioning someone’s emotions
• minimizing behaviors by claiming they were “just jokes”
• projecting negative behaviors onto someone else
• shifting blame where it doesn’t belong
• actions not matching words
• calling someone “crazy”
• telling someone they’re imagining things

Threatening

Threats are a type of manipulation intended to scare, intimidate, or coerce someone into doing something in order to avoid a particular outcome. Oftentimes, threats are used in conjunction with other forms of abuse. 

Verbal threats sound like:

• ultimatums
• threatening to harm someone, their loved ones, their pets, or their property
• threatening to end the relationship
• threatening to report their immigration status
• threatening to remove someone from the home
• threatening to share secrets
• threatening to share private information

Yelling

Raising one’s voice or speaking in an aggressive manner can intensify whatever is being said. Communicating this way can incite fear in whoever the aggression is directed at. It can cause the person being abused to act in ways to stop the yelling. 

Non-verbal Cues

Non-verbal cues are ways to communicate without words, such as a facial expression. Aggressive gestures used in conjunction with harmful language, such as picking up weapons, amplify threats behind words. The perpetrator may use non-verbal cues to cause additional harm in a way that is more subtle.

Verbal Abuse is Abuse

The common phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” pushes the harmful idea that physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse. It also implies that we have full control over how words can impact us, putting the responsibility on the survivor to not let verbal abuse get to them. These are common beliefs that people have surrounding different kinds of abuse, and they just create more shame in survivors, making it harder for them to seek support. In actuality, no form of abuse is “worse” or “better” than another, all forms of abuse are unacceptable and there is no benefit that comes from comparing and contrasting instances of abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing verbal abuse, you are valid and you deserve support.

1. Two in five children (41%) experience harmful verbal abuse by adults around them, reveals groundbreaking new study. Words Matter. September 13, 2023
2. Leemis R.W., Friar N., Khatiwada S., Chen M.S., Kresnow M., Smith S.G., Caslin, S., & Basile, K.C. (2022). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2016/2017 Report on Intimate Partner Violence. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

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Negging Tactics

Responding To Negging

Speak up

If you feel safe to do so, let the person know you do not appreciate being spoken to in that way. Try your best to stay calm and not return any insults.

Set boundaries

Set boundaries with the person doing the negging outlining how you will tolerate being spoken to.

Analyze the relationship

All relationships have unhealthy moments, but repeated negging is a form of emotional abuse. You may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship if:

• Your partner often treats you with disrespect.
• Your partner often isn’t truthful or reliable.
• You’re often changing your behavior to please them.
• You feel like you’re “never enough” for your partner.
• You are overly dependent on your partner or vice versa.
• Your partner shows little to no remorse when they make you feel bad.

Reach out for support

If you feel as though you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you can find the support you need.

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Understanding Systemic Racism

Systemic racism refers to the policies, practices, and norms within societal institutions that perpetuate racial inequality and discrimination. Unlike individual racism, which involves personal prejudice, systemic racism operates on a larger scale, impacting communities through socioeconomic inequities, discriminatory laws, and cultural biases. 

For instance, Black survivors may hesitate to report sexual violence due to a well-founded mistrust of law enforcement, rooted in the historical over-policing of Black communities and under-protection of Black women. When Black survivors do report, they are less likely to have their cases taken seriously or pursued aggressively by authorities. Research shows that Black survivors are more likely to encounter skepticism or be stereotyped as “promiscuous” or “angry,” which undermines their credibility in the eyes of law enforcement, medical personnel, and even service providers.

A real-life example of systemic racism influencing sexual violence reporting and access to resources is the case of Daniel Holtzclaw, a former police officer in Oklahoma City. In 2015, Holtzclaw was convicted of sexually assaulting multiple Black women while on duty, specifically targeting them because of their race, socioeconomic status, and criminal history. Holtzclaw preyed on Black women from poor neighborhoods, many of whom had criminal records or histories of substance abuse. He exploited societal stereotypes that made it less likely for these women to be believed if they reported the assaults. This reflects how systemic racism and societal biases enable predators to target marginalized groups. 

Another example of a perpetrator who uses systematic racism to target his victim-survivors is in the case of R. Kelly. Many of the women who came forward to report sexual abuse were Black and faced significant hurdles in being believed or receiving justice. Advocates have pointed out how societal stereotypes about Black women—such as the “strong Black woman” trope or perceptions of hypersexuality—have contributed to delays in holding perpetrators accountable and addressing the survivors’ needs.

Barriers to Reporting

Mistrust in Systems

A significant barrier for victim-survivors of color is the fear that they will not be believed or taken seriously by law enforcement.²  Historical injustices, such as police brutality, racial profiling, and neglect towards communities of color, further exacerbate these fears. Survivors may worry that their cases will be mishandled, that they will face additional discrimination due to their race, or that their interactions with the system will cause more harm than good.

This mistrust is not limited to law enforcement; it extends to the medical and healthcare systems as well. Historical medical abuses, such as the Tuskegee Syphilis Study⁶ and the forced sterilization of women of color,⁷ have created deep-seated mistrust among marginalized communities. Survivors of color may fear that seeking medical attention after an assault could result in substandard care, exploitation, or further trauma. For example, they might worry that their injuries will not be taken seriously, that they will not be informed about their medical options, or that they will face invasive questioning rooted in racial biases.

Limited Access to Resources

Access to support services, such as counseling and legal assistance, can be limited for people of color. Many victim-survivors find that resources within their communities are inadequate, underfunded, and culturally insensitive. Language barriers, stigma, and cultural taboos surrounding sexual violence can also prevent individuals from seeking help.³ Further, systemic issues such as socioeconomic status and access to healthcare can compound these challenges, leaving victim-survivors without critical support.^3-4 Seeking therapy can play a crucial role in providing victim-survivors with the tools to navigate their trauma, build resilience, and regain a sense of control; however, access to culturally competent and affordable mental health services remains a significant challenge for many marginalized communities. Additionally, rape crisis centers or counseling services in predominantly Black or underserved neighborhoods may be underfunded, understaffed, or inaccessible due to transportation and financial barriers. These systemic inequities compound the trauma experienced by Black survivors and perpetuate cycles of marginalization and silence around sexual violence in communities of color.

Cultural Competency in Support Services

Another barrier arises from the lack of cultural competency in support services. Many institutions, including hospitals and shelters, may not fully understand the cultural context or specific needs of survivors from diverse backgrounds.³ This lack of understanding can result in victim-blaming, insensitivity, or a failure to address the unique experiences of survivors of color. Such experiences can discourage individuals from pursuing the help they need, further perpetuating a cycle of trauma.⁴

Intersectionality and Victimization

The intersectionality of race and gender plays a crucial role in the experience of sexual violence. Women of color, for example, face compounded discrimination based on both race and gender, which can heighten their vulnerability to sexual violence.⁵  Further, studies show that trans folks, particularly those who are Black and transgender, are more likely to face physical and sexual violence compared to their white cisgender counterparts. This violence is often compounded by societal attitudes that marginalize trans bodies, making them targets for exploitation.⁷

Addressing the systemic barriers to support for victim-survivors of sexual violence is essential. Systemic racism not only perpetuates the occurrence of sexual violence but also creates significant barriers to support victim-survivors from marginalized communities. By acknowledging these barriers and working towards solutions to mitigate barriers, we can take meaningful steps to ensure that all victim-survivors have access to the resources and support they need to heal and seek justice. Addressing these systemic issues is a matter of equity and equality for marginalized victim-survivors. It is crucial to challenge the narratives that silence marginalized voices and advocate for systemic change that prioritizes victim-survivors who experience systemic racism.

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The Marginalization of Disabled Survivors

Victim-survivors living with disabilities face disproportionately high rates of sexual violence.² People with disabilities (PWD) are three times more likely to experience violent victimization, including sexual assault, than their non-disabled counterparts.³ Despite these concerning statistics, societal misconceptions about disability often overlook this issue. 

One pervasive stereotype is the notion that PWD are asexual or lack agency in their own sexuality.^3,4 This dehumanizing perspective not only erases the reality of their sexual identities but also makes it more difficult for survivors to come forward and be believed. Further, PWD may receive sexual education and/or education in sexual violence with the assumption they will not be engaging in those activities or PWD may not receive sexual education at all. Sexual education for PWD also may not be tailored to their unique experiences and abilities. Regardless of access to sexual education, the perceived vulnerability of PWD can make them targets for perpetrators who exploit their bodily autonomy and agency. 

Power Dynamics between PWD and Caregivers 

Some PWD may rely on a caregiver to meet their daily needs. This can create a dangerous power dynamic that adds an additional barrier to reporting. Some PWD may depend on caregivers for essential daily tasks such as mobility assistance, personal care, meal preparation, and medication management. This dependency can create a precarious power dynamic where the caregiver holds significant control over the victim-survivor’s well-being and independence. In situations where the caregiver is also the perpetrator of abuse, the victim-survivor may fear losing access to critical support if they report the abuse. This reliance can also lead to feelings of helplessness or entrapment, as the victim-survivor may lack alternative caregiving options or resources to live independently. Additionally, perpetrators in these roles may manipulate this dependency, using threats such as withdrawal of care, isolation from support networks, or institutionalization to prevent the victim-survivor from seeking help. For victim-survivors with limited financial resources or access to external services, further silencing them and leaving them vulnerable to continued abuse.

This dynamic underscores the need for accessible, survivor-centered support systems that prioritize the unique needs of PWD, including emergency caregiving resources, legal protections, and advocacy services designed to break down these barriers to safety and justice.

Barriers to Accessing Support

For victim-survivors with disabilities, the challenges of seeking help are multifaceted. Physical, communication and systemic barriers often hinder access to resources such as crisis hotlines, counseling services, and legal aid.⁴ These services are especially pronounced for victim-survivors with invisible disabilities, whose needs are less apparent.

Stigma

Mental health conditions and chronic illnesses are often stigmatized, making it harder for survivors to disclose abuse or seek help. Victim-survivors may fear being labeled as unstable, unwilling, or lazy, which can prevent them from disclosing abuse. Others may face skepticism or disbelief due to biases about their credibility, especially if they have cognitive or mental health disabilities. They may also internalize societal misconceptions about their conditions, feeling unworthy of help or doubting their own experiences of abuse

Overwhelming Bureaucratic Systems

Navigating bureaucratic systems can be particularly difficult to understand independently for those with cognitive disabilities. Forms, applications, and procedures are frequently not designed with accessibility in mind, leaving victim-survivors confused, frustrated, or unable to complete any necessary steps to receive aid.

Systemic Barriers

There is a lack of training on how to support victim-survivors with disabilities, leading to inadequate or harmful responses. For example, a single provider may understand one form of disability, but not another. Providers may unintentionally dismiss needs, fail to provide reasonable accommodations, or lack understanding of how disabilities intersect with abuse. For some, a lack of accessible reporting mechanisms—such as sign language interpreters, assistive technologies, or alternative communication methods. Many resources also fail to account for the intersectional nature of identity.^4,5 Survivors with multiple marginalized identities—such as disabled people of color or LGBTQIA+ individuals—often encounter compounding barriers and discrimination. Additionally, fear of retaliation, loss of autonomy, or institutionalization often discourages victim-survivors from coming forward. These barriers can make it difficult for a victim-survivor to communicate their experiences effectively, creating a system where many acts of violence go unreported, leaving survivors without the support and justice they deserve.

Challenges for Victim-Survivors with Visible Disabilities

Physical Accessibility

Shelters or counseling centers may lack ramps, elevators, and accessible bathrooms. Even when physical accommodations exist, they may be inadequate, outdated, or difficult to use, creating unnecessary obstacles for victim-survivors seeking support. Additionally, transportation to these facilities may not be accessible, further limiting options for those with mobility impairments.

Discriminatory Attitudes

Survivors may face explicit or implicit biases, with some providers failing to take their accounts seriously or assuming their disability invalidates their experience. Others may view them as burdensome clients, leading to substandard care or denial of services. These attitudes compound the trauma victim-survivors already face, reinforcing feelings of isolation and helplessness.

Challenges for Survivors with Invisible Disabilities

Believability

Survivors with invisible disabilities, such as PTSD, ADHD, or fibromyalgia, may face skepticism about their accounts, particularly when their symptoms or needs are misunderstood. This disbelief can deter victim-survivors from seeking help or lead to retraumatizing experiences when their claims are dismissed.

Stigma

Mental health conditions and chronic illnesses are often stigmatized, making it harder for survivors to disclose abuse or seek help. Victim-survivors may fear being labeled as unstable, unwilling, or lazy, which can prevent them from disclosing abuse. They may also internalize societal misconceptions about their conditions, feeling unworthy of help or doubting their own experiences of abuse.

Toward More Inclusive Support Systems

Addressing these gaps requires a commitment to creating accessible and inclusive support systems. We must actively involve disabled individuals and organizations in the development and evaluation of resources for victim-survivors. By consulting with the community, we can gain insights into the specific needs and preferences of disabled victims-survivors. 

Sexual violence against PWD is a deeply entrenched issue that requires urgent attention and action. By dismantling societal biases, addressing systemic barriers, and centering the voices of disabled communities, we can create a world where all survivors have equitable access to justice and healing.

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If victim-blaming is incredibly harmful to survivors after sexual assault, why do people victim-blame?

Invulnerability Theory

Invulnerability theory is the theory that people blame victims in order to preserve their own sense of invulnerability. People, consciously and subconsciously, tend to view themselves as uniquely invulnerable to negative outcomes. As a result, they perceive others as having made themselves vulnerable, while they themselves are invulnerable. It is difficult to accept that everyone is vulnerable to sexual assault, because this threatens people’s sense of safety in the world. Life feels more manageable when people believe the victim is to blame.

Preserving The Assumptive World

The assumptive world refers to a strongly held set of assumptions about the world and oneself that is built throughout life, which is strongly maintained and used as the foundation for the ways through which people navigate life. It provides a sense of safety, stability, and security. When the assumptive world shatters, people become disoriented and may feel like everything has shifted. When people are able to navigate through life believing that they have the ability to prevent getting sexually assaulted, they are rarely willing to challenge that belief because it provides them so much security.

The Fundamental Attribution Error

The fundamental attribution error is a cognitive bias in which people wrongly attribute the outcome of a situation to someone’s character flaws and not external or situational factors. It is the belief that dispositional factors play a larger role in interactions than situational factors do. When people victim-blame survivors of sexual violence, they do so to maintain the belief that individuals have more control over their lives than they truly do, and that failing to prevent sexual assault is due to a character flaw. 

Victim-blaming often happens because believing that individuals have more control over what happens to them than they do makes the world feel safer and more predictable. To accept that anything can happen to anyone at any time makes life feel unpredictable and unstable, so people try to find ways to blame the victim to feel as though they can prevent bad things from happening to themselves.

The Hindsight Bias

The hindsight bias refers to the tendency to view things as more predictable than they actually are. After people see the outcome of a situation, they believe that they could have predicted the outcome before it actually happened. When it comes to sexual assault, people believe they could have predicted that the assault would have happened due to a range of situational and individual factors influenced by rape myths.

Just-World Phenomenon

The just-world phenomenon refers to the belief that that world is just and people “get what they deserve.” Victim-blaming can happen when people believe the survivor must have done something to deserve or invite the assault. In reality, no one ever deserves to be sexually assaulted. The just-world is an idealistic myth that makes life easier to cope with than accepting that bad things happen all the time to undeserving people for no reason.

Perpetrator Loyalty

The role the perpetrator has played in their lives is another reason why people may victim-blame survivors. Many people wrongfully assume that the way they are treated by a person is the same way that person treats everyone else they encounter. As a result, they may try to come up with reasons to justify the assault and instead shift blame onto the survivor. 

Only 19.5% of survivors are sexually assaulted by someone they don’t know. If someone knows a survivor, it’s possible that they also know the person who perpetrated the assault. When the perpetrator is a close friend or family member, people may be unwilling to accept that this person is capable of committing sexual assault. Many people denounce individuals who committ sexual assault, but when they view their relationship with the perpetrator as valuable, they may be unwilling to end the relationship and instead shift the blame onto the survivor. 

Disliking The Survivor

On the other hand, people may not support the survivor based on previous experiences with them. They may dislike the survivor for unrelated reasons or not view the survivor as trustworthy because they’ve lied in the past. Whether or not we like someone doesn’t determine if something bad can happen to them. The perfect victim myth tells us that, in order to deserve support, survivors need to be “good” and likable people, who are sympathetic in all aspects of their lives. In reality, bad things can happen to bad people, and just because we perceive them as a “bad” person doesn’t mean they deserved or caused the abuse they experienced. Additionally, someone can lie about one thing and tell the truth about another. We shouldn’t base our support of survivors on our personal feelings about someone, and we can stand behind someone as a survivor without vouching for everything they’ve done in all other aspects of their lives.

Victim-blaming is never justified and it is the most harmful way to respond when someone discloses that they have been sexually assaulted. The way people respond when a survivor discloses can greatly influence the survivor’s ability to heal.

Sources

1. Reich, C. M., Pegel, G. A., & Johnson, A. B. (2022). Are Survivors of Sexual Assault Blamed More Than Victims of Other Crimes?. Journal of interpersonal violence, 37(19-20), NP18394–NP18416. https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605211037423
2. de la Torre Laso, J., & Rodríguez-Díaz, J. M. (2022). The relationship between attribution of blame and the perception of resistance in relation to victims of sexual violence. Frontiers in psychology, 13, 868793. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.868793
3. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2010-2016 (2017).

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The concept of the bystander effect ¹ was popularized by social psychologists in 1964 following the infamous murder of Kitty Genovese. Kitty was brutally attacked outside her apartment in New York City. It was reported that dozens of neighbors either witnessed the attack or heard her cries for help, yet no one came to her rescue or called the police.

But, why did neighbors fail to take action? 

The bystander effect is attributed to two primary factors: diffusion of responsibility and social influence. ² Diffusion of responsibility is the phenomenon that occurs when multiple people are present during an emergency. Each individual assumes someone else will take action, leading to a decreased sense of responsibility. The more bystanders present, the less likely any one person will feel compelled to intervene. Social influence refers to how people tend to look to others in a group for cues on how to behave. If no one is helping, people are often to interpret this as a signal that action is not needed.

In the case of Kitty, neighbors assumed that in a busy city, someone else is likely to intervene, therefore there is no need for them to intervene. Being in a busy city with many bystanders acts as a situational factor that amplifies the bystander effect. There are several situational factors that amplify bystander behavior, making it less likely for people to help during an emergency like the number of bystanders, ² ambiguity of the situation, and the relationship between the victim and bystander. ³ The more people present leads to a greater diffusion of responsibility, reducing the likelihood of intervention. Additionally, people fear misinterpreting the situation and facing consequences or embarrassment for intervening. The more unclear the emergency is, the less likely people are to intervene. However, the bystander is more likely to help if they know the victim. The perceived connection to the victim can significantly influence the decision to act. 

Specific Challenges in Cases of Sexual Assault ⁴

Research shows that in situations involving sexual assault, certain factors further complicate the likelihood of bystander intervention. These challenges are multifaceted and deeply rooted in societal attitudes and individual perceptions. 

Gender and Sexist Attitudes

Those who are male or hold sexist attitudes are statistically less likely to intervene in cases of sexual assault. For example, at a nightclub a male patron sees another male aggressively dancing with a woman who appears uncomfortable. The male patron dismisses it, thinking she might “be asking for it” because of her choice of clothing. 

Substance Use

Individuals under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol are less likely to recognize the severity of a situation or may feel less capable of intervening. Impaired judgment and reduced inhibitions can significantly hinder the likelihood of bystander intervention. For example, at a house party several people notice a stumbling highly intoxicated woman being led upstairs by a man. Those witnessing this event may fail to assess the situation appropriately because they are intoxicated or they may feel too impaired to step in. 

Norms

Cultural and social norms ² in some cases may discourage bystander intervention. For example, you often hear your neighbors fighting in the evening. The fighting may have escalated and you hear your neighbor calling out for help and screaming. Influenced by cultural norms that discourage involving yourself in others’ “private” matters, you choose to ignore the situation. 

Fear

Witnesses may fear that intervening in a sexual assault could lead to personal harm or retaliation ⁵ from the perpetrator. For example, while walking home at night, a person sees a woman being forcefully grabbed by a man in a secluded area. The witness fears that intervening could lead to physical harm and decides to leave the area. 

Victim-blaming

If a witness believes the victim-survivor did something to invite the assault, they are less likely to offer help. For example, a student in a college dorm hears a commotion in the room next door and realizes a fellow student is being sexually assaulted. However, the bystander was at a party earlier that night with the fellow student who they saw flirting and dancing with another student. The bystander assumes that the victim’s behavior at the party earlier invited the attack and decides to not report. 

Uncertain Interpretations

A bystander may hesitate to act in situations where there is uncertainty about consent. A fear of misinterpreting the situation and the potential for social or legal consequences can create a significant barrier to intervention. For example, in a group of friends you notice a couple where one person seems to be unresponsive to the other’s advances. The bystander is unsure if it’s a case of non-consensual behavior or a misunderstanding, thus they decide to not intervene, worried about causing a problem. 

Overcoming the Bystander Effect ^{5, 6}  

Understanding the bystander effect is the first step toward overcoming it. By recognizing the situational and psychological barriers that prevent actions, individuals can be better prepared to intervene in emergency situations. Training programs, public awareness campaigns, and education on bystander intervention can empower people to act decisively and help those in need, potentially saving lives.

Learn more about Bystander Intervention with our free Bystander Intervention Course on PAVE University.

Sources

1. Hudson, J. M., & Bruckman, A. S. (2004). The Bystander Effect: A Lens for Understanding Patterns of Participation. Journal of the Learning Sciences, 13(2), 165–195. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327809jls1302_2 
2. Chekroun, P., & Brauer, M. (2002). The bystander effect and social control behavior: The effect of the presence of others on people’s reactions to norm violations. European Journal of Social Psychology, 32(6), 853-867. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.126 
3. Garcia, S. M., Weaver, K., Moskowitz, G. B., & Darley, J. M. (2002). Crowded minds: The implicit bystander effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(4), 843–853. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.83.4.843 
4. Labhardt, D., Holdsworth, E., Brown, S., & Howat, D. (2017). You see but you do not observe: A review of bystander intervention and sexual assault on university campuses. Aggression and violent behavior, 35, 13-25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2017.05.005 
5. Kistler, T., Stuart, G. L., & Cornelius, T. L. (2022). Barriers to Bystander Interventions for Sexual Assault: Impact of Personal History of Sexual Victimization. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 37(17-18), NP16727-NP16749. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260521102349 
6. Fischer, P., Krueger, J. I., Greitemeyer, T., Vogrincic, C., Kastenmüller, A., Frey, D., Heene, M., Wicher, M., & Kainbacher, M. (2011). The bystander-effect: A meta-analytic review on bystander intervention in dangerous and non-dangerous emergencies. Psychological Bulletin, 137(4), 517–537. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023304 

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Understanding the Bystander ¹

The Bystander Effect

The bystander effect is a social phenomenon where people do not intervene in a social situation because they believe someone else will intervene. Often, the more people who witness an incident, the less likely someone will intervene. This effect can be particularly prevalent in crowded parties and events/gatherings, where the responsibility is diffused among all witnesses. There are different types of bystanders that play a critical role in determining the safety and well-being of others. 

Passive Bystanders

A passive bystander is a person who witnesses something but does not take action. They may choose to ignore the situation entirely, either out of fear, indifference, or uncertainty about what to do. For example, at a college party a student notices their peer who appears extremely intoxicated, stumbling and slurring their speech. Despite recognizing that the person might need help, the bystander decides not to intervene, thinking that someone else at the party will help them. Unfortunately, no one intervenes, and the intoxicated student ends up in a dangerous situation. 

Active Bystanders

An active bystander is anyone who takes action to prevent a harmful event or incident from escalating or continuing. Their intervention can range from directly assisting to seeking help from others. For example, out at a bar you see a woman being harassed by another person sitting at the bar. The woman looks very uncomfortable and closed off. The bystander approaches the woman and tells the woman her friend was looking for her and escorts the woman to a safe area, away from the harasser. 

Proactive/Prosocial Bystanders

Proactive/Prosocial bystanders are those who not only intervene in a potentially dangerous situation but also take steps to prevent scenarios from occurring. They work to create a safe environment and promote awareness. For example, a group of friends are going to a large festival and decide to use the buddy system and assign each friend a buddy they will stay and watch out for throughout the festival. Additionally, all the friends share their phone location with each other and the friends identify a designated meeting space to go to at the end of the festival. 

By understanding the bystander effect and promoting active, or taking proactive measures can significantly impact the outcome of a situation. Through education and awareness, people can learn to recognize the importance of taking action when necessary. This can create a safer and more enjoyable environment for everyone.

Learn more about Bystander Intervention with our free Bystander Intervention Course on PAVE University.

Sources

1. Hamby, S., Weber, M. C., Grych, J., & Banyard, V. (2016). What difference do bystanders make? The association of bystander involvement with victim outcomes in a community sample. Psychology of Violence, 6(1), 91–102. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0039073

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